As a product specialist working at Ashley Furniture, I get to meet a lot of people everyday. Rich people, poor people, people who can pay cash for a ten thousand dollar purchase, people who want to haggle over financing a four hundred dollar sofa; there are people from every part of the country and the world (I've pulled out both my Russian and German at least once), people who work hard for their money and people who sponge off our tax dollars. Every race, every creed, every religion, every political persuasion walks through the door at some point or another. Most people are at least somewhat reasonable, and they all expect good service and respond well to sincere concern for their needs.
Sometimes people can be pretty hard to work with, either because they're trying to save money or they just like being difficult. That's to be expected - you just do your best to take it in stride.
Then there's a really special kind of customer. They're somewhat rare (thank God), but when they come along they can really provide great fodder for a blog post. I call this kind of customer the "I'm here to hand out advice even though my life is falling apart" shopper. This kind of person sticks out because they talk non-stop and seem to be on a mission to personally insult or offend me without realizing what they are doing.
Today I had one of these special customers, a man who is on the brink of divorce. I've had several customers in similar circumstances and I've been struck by their humility and soft-spoken manner. Except for this guy. This guy (whose name I will protect as a matter of professional courtesy) not only wanted to tell me every detail about his divorce but also wanted me to take marriage advice from him.
This is about how the conversation went:
CUSTOMER: I'm really trying to keep the sleeper sofa price under seven hundred. I've looked at another place and they'll give me one just like this for six ninety-nine.
ME: Well we can definitely-
CUSTOMER: You see the reason I need it is because I expect to get screwed when my wife and I split up. I really don't want anything real expensive because I don't need to lose it in the divorce. This piece will be in my new apartment. Have you been married yet?
ME (slowly holding up left hand with ring visible): Yes sir, about eight months.
CUSTOMER: Any kids?
ME: We have one on the way.
CUSTOMER: Once that first baby comes, it all goes downhill. We were great and then once the baby came it was all over. Then we messed up and had a second kid so we had two kids back-to-back.
ME: Well-
CUSTOMER: Yeah that first baby really throws everything off. I'm gonna tell you right now, if you're like me and you're opinionated, you need to let her run the show and make all the decisions. That's the only way to be happy.
At this point I'm sure you get the gist of the conversation. It was pretty lame to have to stand there and listen to the world's most cynical husband as I tried to make a sales pitch. The gall of somebody telling me how I should run MY marriage when they don't even know me was enough to drive me up the wall.
Here's where this guy lost any hope of interesting me in his way of thinking:
1. Assuming that a newlywed knows nothing at all about how to create a successful marriage. Unlike most people my age, I have a stable family background and great examples of successful long-term marriages all around me. I'm actually pretty realistic about my marriage and I've listened to enough advice to fill up a book.
2. Giving marriage advice to a complete stranger. I would be hesitant to give marriage advice to young married couples that I know, and I would never give unsolicited advice to a complete stranger. And my marriage IS successful.
3. Assuming that my view of children is the same as his own selfish view. I'm from a family with eleven children; I've been helping to raise kids since I was a kid. I love them and so does my wife. We seek to have as many children as God will give us, and we know that He will protect our marriage as we honor His will.
4. Assuming my wife is just like his. If you ask me, this guy is an idiot who married the wrong person. My wife is calm and shy, which is precisely one of the main reasons I chose to marry her. I knew I wouldn't get along with a pushy woman who wanted to be the boss of me. So I picked very carefully, and my wife is a breeze to get along with as a result. I can be as opinionated as I want. My wife submits to my leadership as called for in the Bible, so we avoid the tension and discord that too many people have in their marriage. Not every woman is like my wife, which is exactly why I married her.
I could probably go on and on, but suffice it to say that I think this guy is a moron who lowered his shield when the missiles started flying. If you aren't prepared to be a father, if you haven't thought about the changes a baby will bring, then you're a short-sighted idiot. It sounds like this guy let his guard down. Plenty of other men did the same thing I plan on doing: they raised their shields and prepared for the reality of welcoming a new life into the world, they toughed it out and stayed married. My dad's marriage is still stronger than ever after eleven kids, so don't give me your wimpy, cynical garbage about how your kid ruined your marriage. You sicken me. Pick up a shield and try to defend what's left of your life. And one more thing: I didn't try to give you advice about how to save your marriage when you yourself told me it's in the toilet, so how about you keep your opinions to yourself around a complete stranger who is actually very happy with his marriage. Man up, dirt bag.
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